This is a devotional reading I recently found. It is written by one of my favorite christian choral music arrangers - I think it's very good. I copied it from Randy Vader's website.

It Is Still A Wonder

This is a time of remembrance when the Body of Christ around the world observes the events that led to the last week of the earthly ministry of Jesus, the Christ. This is a time of triumph and tragedy, devotion and deceit, discipleship and denial. This is the season of the Cross. The journey that began before the foundation of the world, measured in terms known only in eternity, was finally measured in the tortured footsteps of the Master as He made His way to Calvary.

Calvary. It may seem that all of this occurred on a hill too far away, too far removed from our life to speak to us and our need for this great a sacrifice. We cannot stand in the distance and expect to experience the magnitude of the Cross. We must draw near. We must face what we can never understand. We must confront the ravaged, spotless Lamb to gain just a glimpse of our stain of sin. The Cross cannot be explained away. The Cross cannot be ignored. The Cross cannot be stripped of its cruelty and shame. The Cross cannot and will not be denied. We must approach and bear personal witness to the reality of the Cross to remove the slightest shred of doubt. To know once and for all - this must be true - this could not be myth or legend - for it is impossible to imagine the unthinkable.

He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement of our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5

The invitation stands. . .come survey the wondrous Cross.

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Issac Watts

Reading from Randy Vader and John Fischer
On A Hill Too Far Away

Reminders and Remembering

It's that time of year again. March - some call it March madness, which I sometimes think is applicable in my life. One of my most favorites things in the whole world happens in March! On March the 7th of 1982 something wonderful happened to me - Bradley Hilton - my little baby boy. He's 26 years old this year - hardly a baby. More and more like a man - a real man. With quirks and strength of character and all the wonderful things that make him uniquely Brad. I have always called him "my little God-send" since he came at a time when I needed something to ground me and center me and give me a little sanity. He did that as a child, for both me and my mother. From time to time he still offers me that grounding and centering, although he's no so much of the "sanity" anymore. He knows that March is a tough month and yet he never complains. He makes me proud everyday that I get to be his mom.

Sometimes March brings Easter - not very often, especially this early. But this is one of those years and I love Easter. It's a time of promise and a reminder of what Christ willingly did for us. And we all need to be reminded on a regular basis - that's the true and valuable way to stay "centered".

But then March has a cruel edge to it too. On March the 9th of 1996 Kelly died. So unexpected and randomly cruel. She just took a short ride in the wrong car and all her tomorrows ended abruptly. She would be 30 years old this year. I often wonder what she would be like? Would she go to college? Would she have a job that she loves? Would she find the love of her life and marry him? Would she have any kids? Would she call and visit often enough to suit us? Would she have a good sense of humor? These questions will never be answered. This year Mike and I purchased an anthem for the choir at my church to sing in memory of Kelly. We'll be singing that anthem in church this Sunday. It is titled "Be Still My Soul" - not the one you think you know though it is just as beautiful. This one was written by Kim Noblitt and it expresses the only way to get through the unexplained. You can hear in the video below.

Just 3 years later on March 25 of 1999, my mother died. It's not that it was so unexpected, but more unexplained. Sure, we know 'how' she died, it just doesn't explain why so young. She was only 67. That may not technically seem all that young, but when you couple that with the fact that she actually lost the capability the live her own life 5 years before at around the age of 62, it seems awfully young to me. She had Pick's disease and she spent the last years of her life with virtually no quality of life and absolutely no warning of what was coming. My husband will turn 60 on his birthday this year so 62 and 67 seem very young to me. She never got to enjoy her last grand-child, Savannah. She never really even knew she had her first great-grandchild, RaeAnne. She never knew Kelly died. She was still alive for all these events, but this disease was so cruel it robbed her of her life and it robbed us of the last few years of her life. It was difficult to watch it ravage her and then just as abruptly as the disease began, it ended and she was gone. I miss her still. She would be so proud of Brad, she would be so happy for Larry, she'd be fascinated to see how we all turned out and I know she's watching.

I guess what I am trying to say is March is full of madness - good and bad. Anyway I jumbled all that up into this video.

Trying my hand at Youtube.com

Now I have posted two videos of my old singing group at youtube and I am having fun watching the tally grow of how many times the videos have been viewed! Here's my second one.

Oh be careful little mouth what you say...

Just last Wednesday we had heavy snowfall - enough to cancel school and other activities. My younger brother Rusty called me that day and wanted to know if I was "snowed in" - I said nah - we don't really get snowed in.

Today I was reminded of a song we used to sing in children's choir in church years ago: "oh, be careful little mouth what you say!" WE GOT SNOWED IN! Blizzard conditions - white out- over a foot of snowfall in a 24 hour period and EVERYTHING cancelled! Even shopping malls were closed! It is beautiful, but boy will it be a dirty ugly mess tomorrow when the plows get done with it. Hopefully I won't feel a need to post any further weather related messages!

Weather and other worries

I grew up in the deep south and so I never experienced snow. But 9 years ago we moved to Wisconsin and that first winter we were here we had 51 inches of snow in just the month of December. We had a white Christmas! It was amazing! I regularly made snow angels for us and all our neighbors. We bought snowmobiles and really got out and enjoyed a totally winter sport. But then after a few years reality set in and now I AM SO OVER IT! It's not that I hate the snow, I don't. I still get excited and sit or stand at the window and admire the silent beauty of it. I just don't make snow angels or really get out in it.

But then last week we had the most amazing snowfall. I came from my kitchen into my living room and I have this huge picture window and it was snowing so hard and the snowflakes were so unbelieveably large that I felt I was INSIDE of a snowglobe. Honestly. I just dropped what I was involved in and sat and watched. I was in awe all over again, like when we first moved here. Then again yesterday it snowed and it was beautiful again.

This afternoon it started raining and then terribly thick fog set in and now I can't see squat! Needless to say, I hate winter weather! Unfortunate for me it's only February.

Just putting it out there

I spent this past Christmas in my hometown and I got to spend some long awaited time with my oldest son. We hadn't seen each other in over two years and had not even spoken on the phone for about a year and a half. We have struggled with our relationship for many years now, but this was definately the longest period of estrangement. I believe there is a lot of power in the spoken word and so I am just gonna put it out there that from here on out I hope we can build a loving strong bond that blanks out all the bad stuff we have gone through - together and apart. Cause in the end it's your family that matters most. My son is a great looking, enigmatic person and I love him very much and hope that someday he can begin to really believe that.

Reconcilation is sometimes a difficult thing, but it's so worth it. Moms - call your kids. Kids - call your mom. You're never too old or too far gone to start anew.

I love you Chris.

A little explantion

I figured if I am going to blog then I should start with how I choose my name. I play the piano - duh, you knew that right? But the thing is I chose that name cause it's kinda non-descript and wouldn't draw allot of unwanted attention. Since I am new to the blog thing I figured that could be important. You know how you always hear allot about unwanted attention on My-space and such and I thought I would try to avoid all that - course I didn't know how obscure this would be so really I had nothing to worry about.

But the thing is, I do play piano. And the amazing thing about it is that I am able to play much better than I should. I know that God blessed me with the ability and so I am very careful to give him the praise. I can actually play well beyond my training or abilities and that is the very definite "God part" of it.

I always wanted to be a church accompanist and I have been for many years. But the difference is I always wanted to be a good choir accompanist. I wanted to be able to sight read well and be able to play whatever was put in front of me. The thing is I didn't have the education or the training and certainly had never been one to practice. Which is what is required if you want to play well and certainly if you want to play classical. My mom and my grandmother both played piano and this certainly fostered the desire in me. But they both played by ear, my grandmother did not read music at all and my mother only barely read music. When I was 6 years old my mother decided to have my older brother, Larry, and I take piano lessons. So she took us to the mother of the girl who was our church organist, Mrs. Martin. She sat us both on the piano bench and got a magic marker and numbered our fingers on each hand 1 - 5. This was probably the only thing I learned at the first lesson, but I look back and cannot imagine the application of actually marking the numbers on each finger since I'm pretty sure that I knew that before I ever got there. I also look back and know what a mistake it is to try to teach two students at once on the same piano. We had to take turns on everything which can eat up a 30 minute lesson really quickly - and that's not even counting the time we wasted having sibling fights and stuff. Anyway I cannot remember very much about those lessons and I don't believe we went more than 6 or 8 times anyway. But I DID learn some stuff. My mother would teach me to play hymns from the Baptist Hymnal. But she taught me from her memory and she taught me to play by memory. By the time I was about 11 years old I could play 3 hymns, I was also pretty good at "playing by ear" which I did allot, but I could only play the melody line. But I was armed and dangerous with those 3 hymns. At the age of 12 I began going around to all the Sunday school classes at church and playing for their open assembly. Pretty soon they started begging my mom to teach me some new stuff. And by the age of 16 I could pretty much play all the standard hymns and that was enough to get me my first accompanist position at a very small little church - Victory Baptist Church. I was so proud of myself. I was even learning to play new songs on my own, but was very frustrated at how difficult it was for me. So at the age of 16 I went back to Mrs. Martin for some PRIVATE lessons! Not that Larry was holding me back or anything, because he had become quite the singer! Anyway I took lessons from Mrs. Martin for 2 or 3 months, enough to really firm up my ability to read music right out of the hymnal. When I was 19 I got an even better accompanist position - the PAID kind!! Course this was serious business and my nervousness was taken to an all time high! After a few months at this new church (in truth the preacher that gave me the job was my favorite uncle - do they call that narcissism? (LOL) they decided to send me for some speciality lessons that they agreed to pay for. These special lessons would teach me to play the hymns with embellishment, which was quite fun! I got to take about 6 lessons total from this lady, but it was THE most fun I ever had learning! Then when I was 25 years old I decided it was time for me to venture beyond the church hymnal and learn to play secular or even some light classical or pop music. So I went to a well known teacher in my hometown and in my very first session he made me cry. I look back now and I understand his reaction to me, but at the time it was devastating. He began by having me play for him - anything I wanted, but it had to be a complete piece and I did and by some Divine intervention, I played it really well that day. He then asked me what I play the most and I replied honestly that it was hymns and that my aspiration was to be a good church accompanist. So he pulled out a hymnal and had me plays some songs of his choosing. Then he choose one I did not know how to play, but I did know the song and I struggled with it but got through it. But then he choose another one that I didn't know at all and the more I struggled the more frustrated he got and he began to express his frustration and this hurt my feelings and the crying soon began. Thankfully OUR TIME WAS UP!!! Now I ran out of there promising myself that I would never go back, but people kept telling me how good he was and how lucky I was that he agreed to take me as a student and so I went back. We managed to find a way to work together without me breaking down into tears, but I only stayed with it for 12 lessons. I know now that he was so confused at my ability to play so confidently and competently the hymns that I knew and then fall apart with everything else. He was complimenting me in a round about way, but I was so insecure that I couldn't hear it then. However it did cause me to buckle down and train myself to be a better sight reader and I can play whatever is put in front of me and if I can practice it a few times it is performance ready. Then you add in the fact the God sees fit to anoint me with his grace and I have become quite the accompanist. I am proud of myself and so thankful that I never gave up. I am now the accompanist at a very large church in my town and we are blessed with an abundance of extremely talented musicians including pianists and they have no idea that I have never even had a year's worth of piano lessons. (And hopefully they won't read this blog and find out!)

That's how it all started.
more later...